i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
