Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
