I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
