At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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