But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
