If i come over, it means nothing
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
