my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
