Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
love makes seman taste better
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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