Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
