i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
