You made me cry and you don't even care
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she peed on how many people?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
