im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
