I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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