a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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