also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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