5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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