I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
