I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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