The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am available for nakedness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
