Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
