We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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