he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will be naked everywhere
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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