Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
