I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize