My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
