i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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