Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
