The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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