she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
