I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
