oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
