I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
