So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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