you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
