guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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