I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
