But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
