I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
