he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
