I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have tasted many bathrooms
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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