Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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