If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
