Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
