We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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