i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
