Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize