Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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