i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
