apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
