the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
