bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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