I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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