Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
