Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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