He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
