Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
