her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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