Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize