we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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