I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
