she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
