Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I supernannyed him into submission
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
