I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
