Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
