Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
