im holly from the hills drunk
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
