I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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