It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
