My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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