Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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