I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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