Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
