I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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