I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
