I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
