dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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