youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize