Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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