Only a mothe r could love this liver
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
