when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
