so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the raccoons are back...
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