I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
