Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
