I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
