I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
