he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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