forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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