I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
