He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your cock deserves a montage
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
