When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
