I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
