I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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